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Вопрос о фанфиках! (продолжение)
Foks: Привет! Хочу прислать на сайт свой фанфик. Куда его отправлять. Или можно запостить прямо здесь? Спасибо.
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Мария: Life after Death Part 6 'The Consequences' Ellis sat by Kerry's bed all night long, he had sent Catherine home with Carol who promised to take very good care of her and drop her home when Meg arrived for work. He wanted to make sure the first face Kerry saw when she woke was his. He eyes grew weary though and his head now fell forward in the chair as he tried to fight sleep. "Ellis." A very weak voice called him. His sat up quickly at the sound of his name, looking at Kerry he could see her eyes were open and she was looking around very confused. "It's OK Kerry." He went over to stand by her bedside. "Do you remember what happened?" Kerry nodded slowly as her eyes filled with tears. "Don't cry please." He wiped away her tears as they rolled down the side of her face. "Everything is going to be fine. You can't get rid of me that easy." Kerry studied Ellis very sorrowful expression for a long time before speaking "I'm sorry about everything Ellis, especially Michael." "No I'm the one that should be sorry." "It's wasn't your fault." "Yes it was. If I had been home that night, Michael would've been born in the hospital and might have lived." "Don't think like that I don't blame you at all." "Thank you." Ellis leaned down and kissed her. "I'm going to let them know you're awake. Then I'm going to check on Catherine and change. Will you be ok?" "Yes." "I'll be back as soon as possible." He gently stroked her cheek. "Get some rest." Kerry found the order easy to obey, as she was absolutely exhausted. Kerry awoke from a long nap to find Jeanie had taken Ellis's seat. "Jeanie, thank you for coming." "How are you feeling?" Jeanie stood up coming over to the bed to look Kerry in the eyes. "I've been better, are you working today?" Kerry couldn't help but notice Jeanie was wearing a lab coat and her stethoscope hung around her neck. "Yes, I'm working today." "Are you on break?" She was glad for the friendly face but she didn't want to keep Jeanie from her work. "No." Jeanie bowed her head looking to the floor. "You're on a suicide watch. I took this shift." Jeanie couldn't even look at Kerry when she said it. "Suicide watch?" Kerry tried to fight back the tears, realizing the impact her suicide attempt was going to have on her and all those around her. "I'm sorry." "It's not your fault." Kerry was distressed over being on watch, but she knew Jeanie was only doing her job. An awkward silence filled the room for a good while before Jeanie finally had to speak. "I'm sorry I've stayed away. I just didn't know what to say." Jeanie knew it was a poor excuse, but it was the truth. "It's OK I understand. Besides I'm not very good company lately just ask Ellis." "Ask Ellis what?" Ellis had managed to catch the last part of their conversation. "It's not that important." Kerry told him as she watched him set the flowers he was carrying down on her tray. "You sure?" Ellis looked towards both women who shook theirs heads in reply. "Jeanie could you excuse us? I need to talk to Kerry alone." "Ellis please?" Kerry begged. She was being transferred to psych whether or not she liked it. "Kerry it's the law and you know it. I'm sorry I can't do anything. I wish I could!" He took her hand. "You'll be OK. I promise." "Those people there are all crazy. Please Ellis do something." "It's not that bad up there. Now eat your lunch." He removed the lid from the lunch tray and pushed it closer to her. "They're just doing what's in your best interest." "When?" She asked defeated. "Today I think." "Today! Ellis why so soon?" Kerry hated the way the fact that someone always had to be in the room with her, but she would rather that then the psych ward. "You'll be OK, stop worrying. I'm going with you when they transfer you. Right now I have to go check on the baby but I'll be back soon." Ellis kissed her good bye, on his way out he paused in the doorway. "You're going to be fine Kerry, trust me." Ellis was barely out the door when Jeanie returned to her post. Kerry in no mood for conversation leaned back heavily on the bed closing her eyes, trying to will all that had happened away. Kerry opened her eyes to find an orderly from psych with a wheelchair waiting for her. "They have a bed ready for you." Jeanie told her as she helped the orderly move Kerry into the chair. "Where's Ellis?" Kerry asked angrily, he had promised to go with her, when they moved her. "He's not here, but I'm positive he'll be back soon." Jeanie tried to console Kerry. "It doesn't matter now." Kerry lowered her gaze to the floor dejected 'he promised' she thought as the orderly started her on her way on to psych. End part 6
Мария: Life after Death Part 7 'Facing it Alone' Kerry had remained indifferent on the elevator ride up, but now as they made their way down the hall, she became wrought with anxiety. The closer they got to the heavily barricaded doors the more her heart filled with dread 'til finally she could stand no more. "Please stop!" She cried out. "Something wrong?" The orderly asked concerned by her tone of voice. "I don't want to go by myself, please you have to find my husband." "My jobs not to find your husband it's to take you upstairs." "No please." She begged the orderly as she started to sob. The orderly ignored her pleas, and began pushing her closer to the door. Losing all self-control Kerry threw herself to the floor in a last ditch effort to get the orderly to listen. "What are you doing?" He shouted, as he went to put her back into the chair. He was caught off by surprise when she would not go willingly, not wanting to hurt her unnecessarily he called for help, as he tried to restrain her. The fact that she was now outnumbered four to one didn't help to subdue Kerry any as she continued thrashing wildly, begging Ellis to help her. The orderly and the nurses who had come to his aid tried frantically to calm her to no avail, finally they were forced to sedate her. It wasn't long before Kerry had to succumb to the darkness being forced upon her. Ellis stepped off the elevator onto the psych ward. He rushed towards the door only to find it locked tight. He banged furiously on it, until finally a guard came to see what all the commotion was about. "Can I help you?" The guard asked extremely annoyed. "Yes, I need to see my wife. They just brought her up." "Sorry there are no visiting hours on Tuesdays, you'll have to wait 'til tomorrow." "No you don't understand I promised her, I'd be with her when they moved her here." "Looks like you made a promise you couldn't keep." The guard informed him as he went to shut the door. "Wait, can you at least give her a note for me? Please I'm begging you!" "Look pal I'm no messenger, visiting hours start at ten tomorrow come back then all right." "Thanks for nothing." Ellis looked at the guard angrily, who in turn rolled his eyes at Ellis as he slammed the door shut. Ellis looked through the small glass window until the guard disappeared behind a wall. He walked away defeated knowing his absence during the move wasn't going to be a good start for Kerry. Kerry groggily sat up in bed, looking around she was a little disconcerted the last thing she remembered was the hall. "Kerry you're awake." Kerry looked up to see a nurse standing in the doorway. "Are you feeling better?" The nurse asked as she came into the room. "Better than what?" Kerry asked puzzled. "You were very upset earlier we had to sedate you. How do you feel now?" Kerry now recognized the nurse as one of the three from the hall. "Fine." "Really?" "Yes." "Good because Art therapy starts in fifteen minutes in the day room." "Art therapy? I don't think so." "Sorry all activities are mandatory. Besides it'll give a chance to meet everyone." "Great." Kerry answered rather sarcastically. "Give it a chance, before you dismiss it OK? And if you need anything ask for me my name is Pat." Pat went to leave when Kerry suddenly realized she was missing something. She looked around the room furiously as if by some act of god it would magically appear. "I don't have my crutch." "Your crutch?" Pat asked puzzled, opening her chart to try and figure out what sort of crutch she was referring to. "My crutch." Kerry fell back hard onto the bed as she cried. "I'm sure we can get you one, in the meantime you can use this." Pat pushed the wheelchair they had brought her up in close to the bed. "Why not." She answered her voice even more dispirited then before. Despite her best efforts to avoid it, Pat made sure she made it to art therapy. Kerry now sat with her arms crossed and her head down while the other patients gleefully glued pipe cleaners to cardboard. "Need help?" One of the other patients asked her, as she took the seat next to her. "No thank you." Kerry answered not even looking at the woman. "My names Linda what's yours?" Kerry looked the woman in the face to emphasis her point when she answered "Kerry, now please leave me alone." But the woman ignored her request and began gingerly touching her bandages. "Tried to kill yourself huh? I slit my wrist once see." Linda held out her wrist to reveal a very tiny scar. "I didn't do a good job though." Linda studied Kerry's arms with great interest. "Can I see?" "See what?" Kerry looked at her shocked. "The cuts, please?" Linda grabbed one of Kerry's arms and began to pull at the bandage. Kerry shuttered from the pain as she tried to pull her arm from the woman's tight grasp. Linda was much larger than her and she was finding it difficult to free her arm. "Linda!" The art director, Sandy had finally noticed the scene, and came rushing to Kerry's aid. "What? I just wanted to see what she did." Linda answered her tone implying that she truly felt she had done nothing wrong. "Go to your room now!" Sandy commended Linda, who without much protest obeyed. "I'm sorry about that are you OK?" She looked down to Kerry's arm the bandage now unraveling and blood spurting from the spot where Linda had managed to pull a few stitches lose. "I'll get a nurse." Sandy left as Kerry held her arm in pain, looking up she noticed all activity had stopped and every patient was staring at her. She quickly lowered her gaze but could still feel all eyes on her. They had called for a surgeon to redo the stitches, who to Kerry's great was one she didn't know well. "That should do it." He looked at her arm satisfied before redoing the bandage. "Get some rest." He told her before packing up his bag and leaving. Kerry lay in bed trying to take the surgeon's advice but found sleep was eluding her, as both her heart and mind raced with fear. Every once in a while she could see the silhouette of another patient in her doorway. She was petrified as the doors had no locks and weren't allowed to be closed at night, she prayed she'd make it to morning unharmed. She had decided Ellis must truly hate her, and had abandoned her here to be punished like this, for all she had put him through. She dismissed the fact that he had even come back at all, as pity. End Part 7 Life After Death Part 8 'A Change for the Better' Ellis made his way back to the psych ward, this time he made it past the doors. He signed in and was asked to remove all sharp objects from his pockets as well as his belt; he sighed heavily as he removed it placing it in a box with his keys and pen. He was disturbed by the jail like feeling of the hospital, with its very secured doors and lack of windows. The girl at the desk handed him a pass and directed him to the dayroom, where he found Kerry sitting in a wheel chair her knees drawn into her chest. She looked positively frightened and looking around the place he could see why, it was filled with true psychotics and mentally ill patients, he knew she didn't belong there. "Kerry. How are you feeling?" He asked as he knelt next to her taking her hand. "Ellis you're here." She looked at him stunned. "Why wouldn't I be?" He asked, surprised by her statement. "Because you hate me." She told him sadly. "I don't hate you. Why would you think that?" "Then where were you? You promised to come with me." Kerry wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here when they moved you. I did try to come see you last night but they wouldn't let me." Ellis cursed the guard mentally. "Did you bring my crutch?" Kerry didn't see him carrying it but she still held onto a small glimmer of hope, which was quickly dissipated by the look on his face. "I'll bring it next visiting hours I promise." He went to take her other hand in his when he noticed the blood stain on one of her bandages, he drew her arm closer to study it. "Stitches come loose?" He asked knowing they were in a spot where that could happen fairly easily. "Forced loose." She told him in a very despondent voice. "By who?" Ellis asked very concerned. "Another patient." "Another Patient?" Kerry pointed Linda out to Ellis. "Her." Ellis looked at the size of the woman and became infuriated. "I'll be back." Ellis stormed from the room angry, that was the deciding factor he had to get her out of there. Ellis made his way to the nurses' station, where he very rudely interrupted a conversation between a doctor and two nurses. "I want to arrange to have my wife transferred." "First off who is your wife?" The doctor was caught by surprise as he had never seen Ellis before, and had no idea who his wife was. "Kerry Weaver, and I want you to authorize a transfer now." Ellis's voice was one of total rage. The doctor was familiar with Kerry, as her eventful evening was what he and the two nurses had been discussing. "Can I ask why?" "Because you can't control your patients, did you see what happened to her? And look at this place it is so gloomy! How are people suppose to get better when they never even see the light of day. I'm arranging for a private hospital and you're authorizing it." "I haven't even had the chance to talk with her, give us a chance to help her. What happened to her was very unusual and I can almost guarantee it won't happen again." "Almost isn't good enough. How am I supposed to sleep knowing my wife could possibly be assaulted again! I want her out of here today! I'm not even going to argue anymore because you will sign the transfer right!" Ellis said it as a statement not a question, because the doctor really had no choice in the matter. "You find her a bed somewhere and I'll authorize the transfer. But you have to find a hospital because there's no way she's going home." "Fair enough, thank you." Ellis searched his memory for the name of a hospital that he had visited once on business. It was a psychiatric hospital but it was so less gloomy then most, recalling the name he made the call. He was greatly relieved when an old collogue allowed Kerry to be admitted despite the long waiting list. "Ok authorize it." Ellis handed the doctor the name of the hospital, happy with his accomplishment he left to tell Kerry. Ellis returned to the day room to find Kerry sitting exactly how he left her, except that now a patient was standing in front of her staring directly at her wearing a most evil look. Ellis quickly made his way over sending the man away with an evil stare of his own. "Great news Kerry." Ellis pushed the wheel chair over to the table taking a seat next to it. "I can go home?" She raised a hopeful eye. "Kerry you know the law." Kerry shook her head she knew the law all right but she wanted to be the exception. "You can't come home yet. But we're going to transfer you to Parkside. It's a great hospital and an old friend got you past the waiting list." "Great." Kerry's didn't share Ellis's enthusiasm. "Kerry, it might be good for you. Parkside is really a much nicer environment. I know I'll sleep better with you there." "Fine. When do I go." "Today. As soon as I finalize the arrangements." He kissed her forehead. "It'll be fine you'll see." "Today?" She wasn't sure if this was good or not, she had never heard of Parkside. "I'm going with you. You'll be fine." "That's what you said last time." She tried to hold back the tears welling in her eyes but could not. Ellis embraced her tightly kissing the top of her head. "This time they won't be able to stop me." End Part 8 Life after Death Part 9 'Welcome to Parkside' Although Ellis had managed to have Kerry transferred, he hadn't managed to persuade the hospital to dismiss with the 'standard transferring of patients' procedure. And he now found himself riding with Kerry in the ambulance that was taking her to Parkside. "Don't worry, it's a great hospital and their going to take good care of you." Holding tightly to her hand he could feel her trembling. "Don't be scared, you'll be fine." "I hope you're right." She answered hoping that Parkside had a little more control over their patients. "It's in a much nicer location." Ellis watched the changing scenery through the small ambulance windows, as they left the dirty streets of Chicago headed for one of its most exclusive suburbs. Pulling up in front of the hospital she had to admit he was at least right about the location, the hospital was located across the street from a large park. And the hospital itself looked much nicer then County 'At least from the outside.' Kerry thought as she took in her new surroundings. "Ok ready." The EMT's removed the stretcher from the back of the ambulance and started her on her way to Parkside. "I can walk really." Kerry insisted as she went to unbuckle herself from the stretcher. "It's against policy, sorry." The EMT told her as he lifted her hand away from the buckle. Kerry was surprised by the fact they hadn't gone in the front door of the hospital and were now standing at a gate in front of the courtyard, waiting for security to come unlock it. Kerry studied the courtyard intently there were a few people in it, and she was trying to decide if they were patients or not. They were wearing regular clothes and didn't even sport ID bracelets; she decided they must work there, especially since they didn't seem at all interested in her. Finally security opened the gate, directing them across the courtyard and into the hospital. "It's the only entrance with an elevator." The EMT told Ellis who was questioning why they had come in the way they did. The EMT's wheeled her to a room where a nurse and a bed waited. They helped her onto the bed, as the nurse signed for her. "Hi Welcome to Parkside, I'm Alison." The nurse cheerily greeted her; Kerry much less enthused returned the greeting. Alison then banned Ellis to the hall while she began a new chart for Kerry, taking down all her vitals. Ellis paced up and down the hall anxiously, trying to assure himself that Kerry was going to be fine. "Ellis?" Ellis turned around to see his old collogue. "Jack, thank you for making this possible." Ellis shook the man's hand gratefully. "Don't mention it, I was glad I could help." Jack studied Ellis's pained expression. "So how are you?" "I've been better." "I'm very sorry about the baby. Seems your wife's not handling it all too well huh?" "Thank you. And no she's not, I don't understand why. She was always so strong before, now she seems so overwhelmed by it all. It scares me to see her like this, she used to be so independent now she's so needy." "Sometimes the death of a newborn can really shatter someone. No doubt postpartum hormones coupled with having to care for the baby that lived played a large factor. We'll help her get better don't worry." "Thank you, I know it's probably against the rules but can I go in with you? I kind of promised her I'd stay with her as much as possible." "I'll let in for the physical but not the psych evaluation. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable telling me things because you're in the room." "Fair enough thanks." "And Ellis, I know this is going to be hard for you, but after today I can't let you see her for 48 hours." Ellis looked at the man stunned. "Forty-eight hours?" "It's to give her a chance to get adjusted." "Adjusted?" "Yes. To give her a chance to really focus on herself ok?" "You're the expert." Ellis had to agree it sounded reasonable, he only hoped Kerry would agree. "Hello Kerry, I'm Dr. O'Reilly." He took the chart the nurse had started and reviewed it. Kerry played nervously with the tape on her bandages while Ellis watched from the corner of the room; he would smile encouragingly when ever he managed to catch her gaze. They finished the physical and Ellis was once again banned to the hallway. Waiting for them to finish the psych evaluation. "Did you want to die Kerry?" Dr. O'Reilly asked trying hard to gauge her face for the real answer, as he sensed she had been lying to him on all the other questions he had asked so far. "No." She answered, knowing full well that if she said yes which was the truth she'd be in for an even longer stay. "So why did you hurt yourself like that?" He pointed to her arms. "I don't know." She continued to play with the tape on her bandages as she fought back tears. "Alright that's enough for now." Dr. O'Reilly stood to leave. "We're going to help you here. But you have to help us do that ok?" He knew it was going to take a miracle to get through to her, as her training as a doctor helped her answer all his questions with the proper text book answers. "Ok." She answered quietly knowing full well; she had no intentions of helping anyone to help her. "Jack how did it go?" Ellis asked breathless from his nervous hallway pacing. "Too soon to tell, but we're going to do all we can." "Thank you. And I really do appreciate you getting her in so fast." "Don't worry about it. I'll see you in forty-eight hours." Jack shook Ellis's hand one last time as he left. "Alright I'll show you to room. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to go now." Alison told Ellis as he came back in from the hallway. "Ok, can I have a moment alone first?" "That's-" Alison didn't finish, knowing Ellis wasn't going to take no for an answer, she decided to save herself the aggravation. "I'll be right outside the door." She warned him as she exited the room. Ellis studied Kerry intently for a long while before speaking. "Kerry, we need to get past this now." "This?" She questioned as she paused from playing with her bandages to look at him. "You know what I mean. Please it's time to move on. Catherine needs us do this for her. Please?" "I'll try." She told him as she began to weep. "No more of that, please." He wiped the tears from her eyes, then whispered in her ear as he leaned in kissing her on the cheek. "You'll do better then try, I know you will." "Sorry but you do have to go now." Alison came back into the room deciding they had had more then enough time alone. "Ok. Thank you." Ellis took Kerry's face in his hands. "I'll be back in forty eight hours. OK?" Kerry nodded through the tears that were now falling full force. He embraced her tightly for a long while, then kissed the top of her head. "I promise you'll be fine." Ellis stood to leave, then looked back at Kerry as he wiped away his own tears. "Forty-eight hours." He reminded her as he left. Kerry watched him go sadly, as she heard the doors lock behind him she tried to maintain her composure, but found it was nearly impossible. She began to sob heavily. "OK let's get you settled in." Alison picked up the bag Ellis had brought for Kerry. "Forty-eight hours will be over before you know it." Alison tried to assure Kerry, as she took her by the elbow leading her towards a room. Alison led Kerry down a long hallway stopping every so often to place her id tag against a sensor to open a locked door. Kerry looked back every now and again sighing heavily as she wished she could've gone with Ellis instead of to jail. End Part 9
Мария: Life after Death Part 10 'Settling in' Alison placed Kerry's bag down on the bed by the window. "You get the bed with the view." Kerry watched her with contempt as she began to empty the contents of the bag onto the bed checking for any items that could be deemed dangerous. Much to Kerry's relief Ellis had packed a danger free bag. "Why don't you change and come into the day room ok?" Alison instructed unlike County, Parkside didn't require patients to remain in gowns. "I'll give you some privacy." Alison left closing the door behind her. Kerry looked at the closed door in shock; she hadn't been alone on the other side of a closed door in quite some time. She gladly followed the first part of Allison's instructions and changed, but she chose to ignore the second part and remained alone in her room, looking out the window she basked in the solitude. "Kerry. Why don't you come into the day room." Kerry turned to notice Alison in the doorway. "I'll introduce you to your roommate." "Sure, why not." Knowing that if she ever wanted to go home she had to put forth a little effort, she followed Alison to the day room. "Georgia, this is Kerry your new roommate." Alison motioned to a woman about Kerry's age, who closed the book she was reading and came over. "Hi, nice to meet you." Kerry forced a grin in reply. "Georgia could you explain to Kerry how things work around here?" Alison asked. "Sure no problem." "Thank you." Alison left the two women to get acquainted. Georgia ushered Kerry to an empty sofa and began to explain the status system to Kerry, who was a status one since she had just arrived. Georgia was a status four and was allowed in the courtyard by herself. "When you become a three, I'll take you. A three can go outside if a four escorts them." Kerry really hoped to be long gone before she made it to status three or even two for that matter, but she thanked Georgia for her offer anyway. "Dinner time." Georgia pointed to the people lining up at the door. "They'll bring you yours. Ones aren't allowed off the floor. I'll see you later." Georgia joined the crowd at the door. Kerry watched her go sadly feeling isolated among the isolated. Kerry sat before the meal that was set down in front of her, and pushed it aimlessly about on the plate. "Suicide attempt?" Kerry looked over to notice an elderly gentleman sitting across from her. "Yes." She really couldn't think of anything else to say, her bandages pretty much answered the question for her. "Why?" "Why?" Kerry looked at him greatly offended he even had the audacity to ask such a question, as she felt it wasn't any of his business. "Yes, why?" "I don't want to talk about it." Kerry returned her gaze to the food on her plate. "If you ever want to go home, you're gonna have to." Finishing his lunch he stood to leave. "Been a pleasure talking to you." Kerry considered the man's words long after he had left, knowing he was right she was going to have to talk about it. End Part 10
Мария: Life after Death Part 11 'Status Two' After her turn at rounds, where Kerry told Dr. O'Reilly everything she knew he wanted to hear true or not, she returned to the day room to find Georgia sitting amongst a group of patients she didn't know yet. Afraid to approach them she headed in the direction of their room. "Kerry." Georgia had spotted her, and called her over. Kerry reluctantly joined the group, where Georgia introduced her to Chris, John and Joseph the only three men in the hospital as patients at the time. She also introduced her to Cathy, Georgia's old roommate who was moved to a room closer to the nurses' station for reasons she didn't want to discuss. "How did your first rounds go?" Georgia asked trying to change the subject from the room change. "Ok." "Did they make you a two?" Chris asked. "I don't think so." "Did you ask, you were supposed to ask. I told you to ask!" Georgia shook her head annoyed. "I forgot." Kerry lowered her head to the ground avoiding Georgia's angry stare. "They don't change your status unless you ask and why are you still wearing this?" Georgia noticed Kerry was still sporting the id bracelet they had placed on her upon her arrival. "Because I'm supposed to?" Kerry asked looking around at everyone else's empty wrists. "No you're not. Here, I'll take it off for you." Georgia held out her hand but Kerry didn't offer her wrist out. "But if something happens to one of us, how will they know who we are? I really think we're supposed to leave them on. It's safer that way." "What are you a nurse or something?" John asked, puzzled by her insistence for keeping the bracelet that he and just about everyone else had happily ditched. "No I'm not a nurse. I'm a doctor." She said it automatically out of habit, and immediately wished she hadn't from the looks on the groups' face. "A doctor, that's a good one." Chris said as he and his two friends walked off laughing. "Ignore them, I believe you." Georgia said in a tone that implied she really didn't. "It's just they gave them to us for a reason." Kerry said directing the conversation back to the bracelet. "Trust me they don't care, and besides nothing's going to happen to you. Now give me your arm." Georgia carefully removed the bracelet from Kerry and handed it to her. "Souvenir." "Ok guys, group therapy is about to start." Alison yelled from the desk. 'Here goes nothing' Kerry thought as she made her way down the hall to the activity room very slowly "Don't worry, group isn't that bad." Georgia had noticed Kerry's extra slow I don't want to do this stride. 'I hope you're right' She thought as she picked a seat as far away from the front as possible. "He'll still call on you if you sit back here you know." Georgia told her as she sat down next to her. "They always call on the new people their first time. But it's not that bad, and tomorrow you won't be called on at all." Kerry sat in group therapy and stared absently into space. As she listened to a young girl named Kelly go on and on about her miserable life. Every time somebody else tried to make a point or suggestion, the girl would cut them off and Kerry was glad for it. The hour was almost up and she hadn't had to say a word thanks to Kelly's tirade. "So Kerry what brings you here?" The leader, a psychologist named Tom, asked. Kerry looked at him shocked, she hadn't realized Kelly had stopped talking and she wasn't prepared for the question. She didn't really know how to answer it so she opted instead to remain silent. "Kerry, group is about sharing, so please tell us why you are here." Tom told her insistently. She looked around at all the people in group watching her and waiting for her to answer, and felt very uncomfortable. "I don't know." She answered hurriedly. "You tried to kill yourself right?" Tom asked trying to encourage her to talk. She nodded her reply. "Why?" He asked trying to get her started talking. Again with the 'why' "I don't know why." Kerry crossed her arms defiantly as she fought back tears. "Maybe you'll know tomorrow as that's all for today." Tom dismissed them to Kerry's great relief. She knew if she had to speak again that she surely would have cried. "I told you it wasn't that bad." Georgia told her as they made their way back to the day room. "Look Dr. O'Reilly's still here. Go tell him to make you a two." Georgia nudged Kerry in the doctors' direction. "It's not that important, I'll ask tomorrow." "No come on, ask now it's a beautiful day outside. If he makes you a two you can come outside with us on the designated smoke breaks." "I don't smoke." "Hardly anybody does, we all go for the fresh air. Now go ask!" "Fine." Kerry headed over to the nurse's station at the back of the day room where Dr. O'Reilly was sitting. "Something wrong Kerry?" He asked as he saw Kerry approaching him. "No. It's just I forgot to ask, if you could make me a status two this morning." "Consider it done." He smiled at her. Encouraged by the fact she was even taking an interest in the status system at all. "Are you a two?" Georgia asked excited when Kerry returned. "Yes." "That's great! Now you can come outside! Smoke break is in ten minutes!" Georgia pointed to the clock. Once outside Kerry had to admit Georgia was right. It was a beautiful day and the sunshine felt wonderful. "Told you." Georgia smiled "You have to listen to me more." She told her as she saw the first smile escape Kerry's lips since she met her yesterday. End Part 11
Мария: Life after Death Part 12 'Learning to Laugh Again' Kerry was awoken very early by a lab tech. at the foot of her bed. "Kerry?" He asked as she squinted at him. "Yes." "I need you to come to the activity room we need a blood sample." He waited to make sure she was getting up then left to find the next patient on his list. Kerry groggily made her way down the hall to the activity room where a small group of sleepy eyed pajama clad patients were waiting their turn. Noticing Cathy she went and stood with her. "They always do this so early I hate that." Cathy complained. "It's-" Kerry was about to tell her the reason, then decided against it, as nobody seemed to believe she was a doctor anyway. "It is early." "Sorry." The lab tech. told her as he tried hard to find a good vein on what little of Kerry's arm wasn't covered. "It's all right." She answered as she stared at the ceiling trying to focus on anything but what he was doing. After he missed the first three times she had to look down. "Just move it a little to the right." She instructed him through his fourth attempt. He looked at her questioningly then moved the needle laughing in surprise as her advice worked. "Are you a lab tech or something?" "Something like that." She answered with a heavy heart. Happy to have that over with she mad her way back to bed, feeling positively weak because of the large amount of blood they took she braced herself on the wall as she moved slowly down the hall. "Blood work?" Georgia asked as rolled over in bed. "Yes." She answered, collapsing onto her own bed. "Breakfast is in an hour think you'll make it?" Georgia asked concerned by Kerry's very drained appearance. "An hour?" Kerry sighed heavily, usually she wouldn't have cared as she hardly ate anyway but she felt completely nauseous and knew she needed too. "I'll be right back, stay there." Kerry watched her go puzzled, then rolled over and tried to sleep, she was almost there when Georgia returned, wielding an orange juice and a box of cereal. "Here. This was all they had." Georgia had raided the patient refrigerator and cupboard. "Thank you." Kerry took it gratefully, as it was definitely better then nothing. After their real breakfast Georgia and Kerry returned to the day room. Kerry realized she had sort of attached herself to Georgia but the woman knew her way around and didn't seem to mind it at all. In fact she seemed to take great pleasure in having Kerry under her wing. "Are you going to come to arts and crafts with us?" Georgia asked. "I don't think so." Kerry had developed a fear of hospitals and therapeutic art. "Come on, it's really fun, we even get to leave the building!" Georgia said with great enthusiasm. "Maybe." Kerry was curious by how happy Georgia seemed for someone in a psychiatric hospital. "Can I ask you something?" "Sure what?" "Why are you here?" "A lot of reasons, why do you ask?" "It's just you seem so happy." "I am now, but I when I first got here I was miserable, I had managed to convince myself the whole world was out to get me, now I'm starting to realize that it's not true. Now I figure while the outside world can't hurt me, I'm going to have fun." "Fun?" Kerry didn't really think anything could be fun at this point. "Yes, Anthony the activities director is so cool, we always have a good time. So come on." "Maybe tomorrow." "Have it your way." Georgia went to join the small group forming at the door waiting for Anthony. When he came, unbeknownst to Kerry, Georgia pointed her out to him. "Ok come on." Kerry looked up to see Anthony standing in front of her. "Excuse me?" "Its almost time to leave for the art building." "Do I have to go?" Kerry asked, unsure if it was mandatory like at county. "You don't have to, but you want to." He told her in a very matter of fact tone of voice. "No I don't." "Yes you do and besides, I don't take no for an answer now come on." He stood before her smiling, and with no intentions of leaving until she conceded. "All right I'll go." She told him slightly annoyed. "You won't regret it." He placed an arm around her shoulder as he brought her to join the group at the door. Kerry looked at the pathetic looking candy dish she had spent almost the entire time trying to form. Originally she had set out to make a vase, but couldn't seem to get the clay to take any sort of shape. Deciding it was as good as she was going to get it she gave it to Anthony, to have it fired. "It's very nice." He studied it with a confused expression on his face. "You don't even know what it is." She shook her head at him. "Sure I do, it's a candy dish." He turned it about in his hand studying every angle. "Lucky guess." She answered sarcastically. "No really it's nice. It'll be ready tomorrow." He told her as he added her sad candy dish to the box of much better looking items made by the others. "It'll look better after it's fired trust me." "Yeah right." She laughed. "You should do that more." "Make terrible looking candy dishes?" "Laugh, it's good for you. And the candy dish is nice, when I bring it up tomorrow you'll see." "Maybe you should be a patient here." She told him laughing, her artwork left much to be desired and she knew it. "Wait and see. Everyone else is on the porch why don't you join them." Anthony pointed to the group sitting outside. Kerry joined them sitting in a spot Joseph moved over to create for her. "You know Doc, Tom's going to call on you first in group in today." He told her. "Why?" She asked nervously, disregarding the fact he had called her doc, all three men had relished doing that and she found it was easier to just ignore it, then to try and convince them she wasn't a liar. "Because you never answered yesterday. Take my advice tell him today and be done with it. Or every time there's group he'll single you out." "How do you know?" "I know because I did it the hard way. I wouldn't talk and he just kept hounding me. Do yourself a favor and get it over with. I probably would have went home last week if I hadn't fought it so hard." Joseph sighed as he talked. "How long have you been here." Kerry asked greatly concerned, as she wasn't counting on staying very long. "Two weeks. But today I'm going home. They can only keep you here up two weeks. Then it's either home like me, or a state run institution like Cathy's going to." "Cathy's going to a state institution?" Kerry asked in shock, she had just talked to her that morning and she seemed ok to her. "Yes, she's been here two weeks and she's not doing any better so she's off to Raritan Bay." Georgia told them sadly. "What's wrong with her?" Jesse another patient who Kerry had just met asked. "I'm not sure really she never talked about it. But I know they moved her closer to the nurses' station because she kept trying to hurt herself at night. Why I couldn't tell you." Georgia shrugged her shoulders. "But I'd take Joseph's advice, you do want to go home don't you?" "I definitely want to go home." She answered dispirited she hadn't realized she could be here two weeks, she was hoping for two days tops. End Part 12
Мария: Life after Death Part 13 'Bringing down the wall' Kerry checked the clock warily, group therapy was more then half over and she had yet to speak. She had lacked the nerve to just start talking on her own, when group started and Kelly once again jumped at the opportunity to hold them all prisoner to her small minded woe's. She really wished Tom would call on her already, as she really wanted to get this over with today. But the longer group wore on, the more she resigned herself to another day of silence, and was now starting to like the idea. "Thank you Kelly, but I think we should move on now and give someone else a chance to talk." Tom said. Kelly opened her mouth to defend her speaking and quickly closed when she looked around at all the bored faces. "Kerry, how about it?" Tom directed his attention towards her. "How about what?" She asked in a desperate attempt to stall. "Telling us what's going on in your life, that landed you here." Deciding to take Joseph's advice Kerry drew a deep breath looking around the room at all the curious faces. She felt as if everything was moving in slow motion, as she struggled with how much to tell and where to start, she toyed briefly with the idea of running from the room. "Take your time." Tom told her in a soothing voice. "I don't know where to start." She said quietly. "The beginning is always good." 'Yes, but which beginning' Kerry's mind raced, should she start with her difficult pregnancy, the traumatic delivery, or Michael. Deciding she hadn't tried to kill herself because of the pregnancy or the subsequent delivery she figured it would make more sense to start with Michael. "I delivered twins earlier this summer, one of them stillborn. We don't know why he died but he did, I had heard his heart only a few days before I know he was alive then." Kerry wiped away a tear; it was going to be the first of many. "The other baby was a girl, and she was fine, very healthy. She was-" Kerry suddenly became aware that she was referring to Catherine in the past tense. "She is beautiful, the first time I held her, she felt so right in my arms she just belonged there. Then my husband came to tell me about my son, I knew before he even said it Michael had died, it was written all over his face." Kerry paused; looking up she noticed several people crying, she wiped futilely at her own tears as she went on. "I held him that night in the hospital, he looked so peaceful, almost as if he were asleep, I held him so long I nearly convinced myself he was just sleeping. If it weren't for the fact he felt so cold, I really might have believed he was going to wake up." Kerry paused again, taking a few deep breaths to keep from totally losing it. "I haven't been able to pick my daughter up since without remembering that night. I don't know why but I can't look at her and not feel guilty about Michael, she's this constant reminder that I failed somehow, that I must have done something wrong, why else would God be punishing me like this. I don't deserve my daughter, and I don't think I can ever forgive myself for Michael's death." "Is that why you tried to kill yourself?" Tom asked, as Kerry remained silent for a good while. "I guess." She answered exasperated. "But why? Your daughter needs you. That's just plain selfish." Kelly told her. "Selfish?" Kerry asked angrily. "What gives you the right to call me selfish! You've been holding us captive for two days listening to your petty problems. So what your parent's are getting divorced, big deal, it happens to almost everyone. Besides you're an adult now, deal with it." Kerry knew she was out of line but she was angry more at herself then Kelly, whose words rang very true. She was being selfish. She really had made this whole ordeal very difficult on Ellis and poor Catherine and neither of them had done anything wrong. Kerry bowed her head in shame. "I'm sorry Kelly, your problems aren't petty at all, and you're right, I am selfish, and my family deserves someone better." "Not someone better, you better." Georgia smiled at her from the back of the room. Kerry didn't hear Tom dismiss the group, but he must have because she was now sitting in the room with only him and Georgia for company. "How are you doing?" Tom asked concerned as Kerry sat unmoving, staring straight-ahead, tears streaming down her face that she just let fall. "That wasn't easy to do." "It never is." He squeezed her shoulder encouragingly before leaving; knowing she was in Georgia's very capable care. "Hey, you did it." Georgia hugged her tight wiping away her own tears as well as Kerry's. "You brought down the wall." End Part 13
Мария: Life after Death Part 14 'Exposed' Georgia was escorting a weepy Kerry back to their room when Alison cut them off in the hall. "Kerry it's your turn at rounds." "Now?" Kerry asked distressed, she had thought she was being skipped today as yesterday and the day before she had gone much earlier. "Now." Alison told her leading her towards Dr. O'Reilly's office. Her plans for crying into her pillow now ruined, she begrudgingly followed Alison to rounds. "Kerry sit down." Dr. O'Reilly told her as he noticed her in the doorway. Alison followed her in closing the door and taking a seat in the back of the room. "I have good news for you." He opened her chart removing the morning's blood test results. "Your blood work shows you have thyroiditis." Kerry didn't speak or even bat an eye at the supposedly good news. "Don't you think this is good news?" He asked dismayed by her lack of enthusiasm. "It explains your depression." "My son dying doesn't?" Kerry asked anger in her voice; thyroiditis or not she felt she had the right be depressed. "I'm not dismissing your son's death as part of the reason you're depressed, we can't change that, but the thyroid condition we can correct with medication." "It won't change anything, Michael will still be dead." "You're right. It won't change that, but it will help with your post-partum depression." "It's been almost two months since- never mind I do not have post-partum depression." Kerry told him seething. "My son died. Why can't I just be upset? Why does there have to be something wrong with me?" She tried to maintain her composure but was finding it harder and harder to do. "Two months doesn't make it improbable, and it's nothing to be ashamed of Kerry, it happens to a lot of women." Kerry didn't respond, instead she began to play with her bandages, her new nervous habit; Dr. O'Reilly knew it too, as he had seen her do it many times. "How are your arms?" "Fine." "Have the nurses been checking them?" "No, I've been checking them myself and they're fine." "We should probably get the house doctor to take a look. Just to be sure." "I said they're fine. I don't need anybody else to look at them. I was- I am a doctor you know!" Offended Kerry crossed her arms across her chest, as she stared at Dr. O'Reilly. "I know you're a doctor, it's just right now your not in the best of health at the moment. So please, to ease my mind, how about if you let me take a look?" Angrily she held out her arms. "Fine." "Alison. Could you help me here?" Dr. O'Reilly removed the left bandage while Alison removed the right. "They look to be healing very nicely, the stitches are almost all dissolved." He said, as he studied each of her arms in turn. "I told you they were fine." "I don't think they need to be covered anymore." Dr. O'Reilly stopped Alison who was in the process of re-bandaging them. "But-" Kerry was going to plead her case, but she knew the bandages could have come off long ago. She only left them on because she was embarrassed by what she had done, and the bandages saved her from having to be reminded of it everyday. "Ok that's enough for today, Alison will get you started on the medication and how about a status three?" "Sure why not." Kerry shrugged her shoulders. "Good enough I'll see you tomorrow." "How did it go?" Georgia asked as Kerry returned to their room, seeking out a sweater and her bed. "Same as always." "Oh-" Georgia tried to stifle a gasp as she noticed Kerry's arms. She had never seen them uncovered and was shocked. "I know they're bad." Kerry knew exactly what had made Georgia gasp. "No, they don't look that bad." Georgia couldn't stop staring as she spoke. Kerry made very uncomfortable by Georgia's probing eye, pulled a sweater from the dresser and quickly put it on. "Did they make you a three?" Georgia asked once again able to focus. "Yes." "That's great! Let's go outside." Georgia grabbed Kerry by the elbow pulling her in the direction of the door. "Now?" Kerry asked, as she still very much wanted to bury her face in her pillow, and cry. "Come on." Georgia was so excited Kerry was a three she wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Oh alright." "Buzz us out." Georgia commanded of the nurse manning the door. Kerry had to admit she loved this new found freedom. Going through the door unescorted by hospital personnel was a unique experience. Even if it was only to the courtyard. They sat silently in the courtyard enjoying the peace and quiet when an ambulance pulled up. "Look a new patient." Georgia pointed out the ambulance to Kerry. "I'm going to tell them to open the gate, I'll be back." During Georgia's absence Kerry tried to focus on anything but the woman being brought in, it reminded her of how she hadn't seen Ellis since the day she was brought through the same gate. "We'll probably get two today, since Joseph went home and Cathy-" Georgia didn't finish as they both were aware of where Cathy went. "Anyway, beds never stay empty long around here. I'm going home myself tomorrow morning." "You are?" Kerry asked, her voice cracking as she tried to hold back tears. "Aren't you happy for me? I'm finally going home." "I am happy for you, I just-" Kerry didn't finish, as Kelly's accusations of her being selfish ran through her head. "You'll be alright, don't worry." Georgia wrapped an arm around her. "I'm really going to miss you." "I'll miss you too, but you'll be out of here soon enough yourself." "Not soon enough for me. So when do visiting hours start today?" "There aren't any on Wednesday." "What, why not?" Kerry asked exasperated, realising that almost forty-eight hours had passed. She wanted to see Ellis, so she could convince him she was ready to come home. "I don't know, but tomorrow they have them starting at 11:00." "Nobody told me there were no visiting hours on Wednesday, I was hoping to see my husband today." Kerry sighed as she wondered why all psychiatric hospitals had less visiting hours, she concluded it was to inconvenience her personally. "You'll see him tomorrow. Look on the bright side, today's almost over, and it will be Thursday before you know it." "I hope you're right." Kerry wanted to believe her, but if there was one thing she learned it was that time seemed to stand still at Parkside. End Part 14 This part is a little sad and a little happy. Almost done I promise(I think anyway!) As it has gotten rather lengthy hasn't it? Authors footnote: You'll notice the word Boow, it is not a typo nor is it a word, but Anthony whom the character Anthony is based on<G> read his scene and told me he would never say ta-dah, my orginal non-word of choice! He picked boow(as in pow). The boy has serious issues! But anyway hope you like it.(And please remember boow was not my idea! Life after Death Part 15 'The Vase' Georgia wasn't right at all, the night seemed an eternity and the morning wasn't moving any faster. Georgia had already gone home, leaving Kerry on her own to try and pass the time. Trying to be somewhat social she sat in the dayroom, but without Georgia she didn't have the courage to speak to anyone. Bored she picked up a magazine and began to read, checking the clock every time she turned a page. "Ready?" Kerry looked up from the magazine to see Anthony holding his arm behind his back. "Ready as I'll ever be." "Boow!" He pulled her candy dish from behind his back and held out to her, his face wearing a rather goofy grin. "Wow, it looks just like it did yesterday, only now it's shiny." She took her lopsided candy dish from him. "It is pathetic isn't it?" "No it's not you have to visualize it in use." He took it from her placed it on the coffee table and filled it with the change from his pocket. "See it's great." "I really think they should admit you here, this is the sorriest looking candy dish I've ever seen." "Practice makes perfect, make a new one tomorrow." "Maybe." "No maybe, I'll see you tomorrow right?" "Tomorrow." She couldn't help but smile. Realizing it was almost eleven she went to her room to get rid of the candy dish, she was going to throw it out but didn't have the heart, she smiled to herself as she placed it on the dresser instead. "Kerry." Ellis practically ran across the room, he held her tight for a long while, he was dismayed by how thin she still felt. "I've missed you." "I've missed you too." "How are things going, you settled in ok?" "I guess, when can I go home?" "Kerry you've only been here a few days." "I know but I'm ready to go home. Did they say anything about how long it would be?" "I just talked to Dr. O'Reilly, that's great news about the imbalance isn't it?" "If you say so." "You're not happy, about that?" He asked shocked, as he himself was ecstatic when he heard it. "Kerry, it means there's a medical reason for how you are feeling. Once the medication starts working you'll feel better, trust me. I brought you some new clothes." Ellis picked up the bag he had dropped in the doorway, placing it on the bed. "I guess they searched it already." She asked as she started to unpack it. "At the desk." He answered, taking a seat next to the bag on the bed. "I'll take your dirty clothes home." "How's the baby?" Kerry asked nonchalantly as she switched the dirty and clean clothes. "She's good. She has a well baby check up tomorrow." Ellis answered pleasantly surprised by her interest in the baby. "I can move it back if you want to go." "No that's alright. You take her." "It's no problem to reschedule." "I said you can take her." Kerry snapped. "Ok, I'm sorry." Ellis regretted trying to push her, knowing it was probably better if she set her own pace, when it came to being more involved with Catherine. "Jeanie called, she wanted to know if it would be ok for her to come visit." "Ellis, I really don't want anyone else to see me her. I'm so embarrassed, I let things get this out of hand." "It's nothing to be embarrassed about Kerry, really. Believe me nobody thinks any less of you." "How could they not? Ellis I'm in a mental hospital because I lost my mind and tried to kill myself. I have no belt or shoelaces because I might get the urge to hang myself and I can't even have a pen, because what if I try to gouge my eyes out." "You haven't lost your mind at all, what you've been through would land a lot of people here." "You went through it too, and you managed." "Barely, I barely managed. That night when I had to tell you about Michael, I wished I were dead. Do you know how hard that was for me? I came to tell you, and you were holding Catherine, you looked so perfectly happy, and I was the one who had to ruin the moment. I'll never forget the look on your face when I told you, and I'll never forgive myself for his death. But I know I have to go on, because you and the baby need me." "Ellis, you know Michael's death is not your fault." "Do I?" "Yes you do, and deep down I'm finally starting to realize it's not my fault either." "You don't blame me?" "You know I don't, I've told you that." "I know you have, maybe when I hear you say it enough I'll believe it." "I hope so, because I do not blame you!" Ellis stood up to stretch his legs when he noticed the odd adornment on the dresser. He picked it up and studied it, noticing her initials in the bottom he smiled. "You made this?" "Yes, I did and yes I know it's terrible." "No, it's really good I like it. What is it?" "Why it's a vase." She told him, in tone that implied he should've known that. "It's a lovely vase." He tried not to laugh but had to. "Can I have it?" "Sure, and by the way it's a candy dish, not a vase." She told him laughing herself. "Thank you." Ellis smiled as he studied her face for a long time. "What?" Kerry asked, noticing him watching her so intently. "It's just you look happy. I haven't seen you smile in so long, seeing it now I realize how much I've missed it. I love your smile." Ellis took her hands in his and kissed her. "I love you." "I love you too." "I'll be back tomorrow." Ellis took the bag and left, greatly impressed with the strides Kerry had made towards getting better. Outside the hospital he paused, pulling the candy dish from his pocket he looked at and smiled. 'She'll be home soon.' He told himself pressing the dish into his chest. End Part 15
Мария: Life after Death Part 16 'Awakenings' Kerry had never imagined time could move so slowly, the day had dragged on and on, she was going home tomorrow and couldn't wait to be freed from her four-walled world, able to do what she wanted when she wanted. There were no visiting hours today but it didn't bother her much, as she knew the next time she saw Ellis he'd be taking her home. Bored with the activity in the dayroom, it just wasn't the same without Georgia, she decided to go to bed early. Opening the door to her room she discovered she had yet another new roommate, a woman about her age clinging to a rather ragged doll. "Hi." The woman greeted her as she placed the doll on the bed; she went over to shake Kerry's hand. "I'm Linda." 'Oh god not another Linda' Kerry thought as she returned the woman's greeting introducing herself. "This is my daughter Maria." The woman gestured towards the doll. "Isn't she beautiful?" "Yes, very." "Would you mind watching her a minute? I'll be right back." "Sure." Kerry answered but didn't make a move towards the doll. "Here you better hold her. What if she rolls off?" Linda placed 'Maria' gently in Kerry's arms. Not wanting to upset the obviously delusional woman, she obliged and cradled the doll. While waiting for Linda to return, she studied the doll, it had that grimy look that went hand in hand with being a well-loved toy. Her mind tried to reason what had happened to Linda, to make her believe the doll was an actual baby. She soon stopped as she realized all the reasons she could fathom hit a little to close to home, she would probably never know the true reason anyway, she was going home in 'twelve hours.' She smiled as she checked her watch again. "Thank you, I hope she was no trouble." Linda retrieved her doll from Kerry's arms. "No trouble at all." "Do you have any children?" "I have a daughter." "This must be so hard on you, being here when she's not. How can you stand it?" "I manage." "Did they at least let her visit?" "No, but I'm going home tomorrow, I'll see her then." "What's her name?" "Catherine." "What a pretty name." "Thank you." "How old is she?" "Two months, but if you don't mind I'm really tired and I want to go to bed." Kerry knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep at all but she didn't want to talk about Catherine. She still had no idea how she was going to face the baby at home. Truth was she didn't feel any better now then when she had first arrived, being a doctor she knew just what they wanted to hear and said it regardless of whether or not it was true. Tomorrow she was going home and she didn't feel any more capable of caring for Catherine then before. So deep in thought over how she was going to get by once she arrived home, she never heard Linda's apology or goodnight. Kerry packed her bag slowly and methodically, Ellis wouldn't be there to pick her up for at least an hour, and she was just trying to pass the time. She folded and refolded her clothes. "Going home today?" Linda asked, as she returned from rounds. "Yes." "That's so nice. I'll bet you're anxious to see your daughter and make up for lost time." "Lost time? She's just a baby, she has no concept of time." "I guess you're right, but you'll always know." Linda put a hand to her heart. "You'll always carry it right here. What will you tell her when she's older?" Kerry hadn't given any thought to the future until that very instant, as once again the word selfish surfaced. How would she explain to Catherine that for the first two months of her life her own mother couldn't bare to touch her, or even look at her without being overcome with guilt. As much as time felt like it was standing still in reality it wasn't, and she suddenly realized Catherine was going to grow up with or without her. How could she expect a baby to puts it's life on hold while she tried to sort her own emotions out. 'What have I done?' She asked herself, suddenly aware of all the joyous moments in Catherine's life so far she had missed, there would never be another first smile, or first well baby check up, they had already happened and she had missed them. Kerry vowed through the tears now falling that she wouldn't miss anything else, she acknowledged for the first time that she did miss Catherine, promising to make up for lost time, she closed her suitcase. Ellis entered the hospital with a bit of a spring in his step knowing this was the last time he ever had to come here, he was bringing his wife and hopefully Catherine's mother home today. He signed in and made his way through the labyrinth of locked doors. "Are you ready?" He found Kerry sitting on her bed staring out the window far away in thought. She turned and smiled a nervous smile. "I guess." "Don't worry it'll be fine." He assured as he made his was over to her. "Someone is very anxious to see her mom." Kissing her forehead he took her suitcase with one hand and her hand in the other, leading her out. The drive home was going too fast for her, the closer they got the more anxious she became. They passed a church that she vaguely recognized. "Is that the church where we had Michael's funeral?" Ellis nodded in reply, wishing he had taken a different route home. Kerry fond it oddly appropriate that they passed the church on the way home, she decided it was sign. "Do you think we could have Catherine baptized there?" "I think we could arrange that." He answered, pleasantly surprised he couldn't recall the last time she had called Catherine by name, the name sounded so perfect to him when she spoke it. "Really?" "Really." He answered smiling, for the first time in a long time he believed that their lives were going to get better. Happily beside himself he held her hand the rest of the way home. End part 16 Life after Death Part 17 'Welcome Home' Kerry studied Catherine intently as she slept in her bassinet beside the sofa, as Ellis who was helping Meg fix lunch watched quietly from the kitchen. "She looks much better." Meg noted as she saw what could almost be called a smile resting on Kerry's lips. "That's because she is better." Ellis answered, leaving Meg behind in the kitchen he took seat next to Kerry on the couch. "She'll be up soon enough don't worry." "She looks so peaceful." Kerry reached out a hand as if to touch her, but instead rested it on the edge of the bassinet. "Go ahead you can touch her." Ellis assured her disappointed she had stopped herself. "I'm afraid I'll wake her, maybe later ok?" Standing up she headed for the kitchen. "Ok." Ellis tried to hide the disappointment in his voice. They were just finishing lunch when Catherine started crying Meg out of instinct stood quickly only to be stopped by Ellis's hand on her arm as he pointed to Kerry who had already started to get up. He didn't have to speak as Meg completely understood, smiling she sat back down. The two watched with great interest as Kerry retrieved Catherine. Kerry picked up Catherine and tried to decide why she thought the baby was crying, disappointed that she didn't know automatically, she cursed her lack of maternal instinct. Frazzled she looked to Ellis for help who nodded his head in encouragement. "Do you think she's hungry?" She asked him. "No I fed her just before you got home, she probably just needs to be held." Meg informed her from the kitchen noticing Kerry's strained face. Ellis glared at Meg; he already knew how inferior the woman made Kerry feel. "I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help." She whispered to him. "Give her a chance, and besides she was asking me not you." He whispered through clenched teeth. Kerry tried everything she could think of to soothe the baby, but still she wouldn't stop crying. She began to grow more and more flustered by the baby's refusal to be calmed by her. Finally unable to stand it anymore Meg took the baby from her. Once in Meg's arms Catherine immediately settled, Kerry stared at the woman holding her daughter dejected, feeling like a total failure. She fought back her tears long enough to make it to the bathroom, turning on the water she sat on the edge of the tub and cried. "Why did you do that?" Ellis asked Meg angrily. "It was just killing me to hear her cry like that." "Kerry's her mother you have to give her a chance." Ellis told her annoyed. "I'm sorry. It's just-" She was about to add but I've been more of a mother to her but thought better of it. "Don't do it again, or you'll find yourself unemployed got it?" "Got it." "Kerry?" Ellis knocked on the bathroom door, thinking about the last time he knocked on this door, and what he found on the other side he didn't bother to wait for an answer as he pushed the door open. "Are you ok?" "She has no idea who I am." She told him through the steady stream of tears that were rolling down her face. "She's forgotten me Ellis." "No she hasn't, she just needs time. Don't give up that easy." "She thinks Meg's her mother." Ellis took a seat next to her on the tubs edge. "No she doesn't." He tried to assure her, but he knew she was probably right, babies were creatures of comfort and would attach themselves to anybody who provided it. "She's just become used to Meg, but she knows who you are trust me. Just give it time, ok?" Kerry shook her head a half- hearted yes, before burying her face in Ellis's chest. She really hoped he was right, how could she make up for lost time when Catherine had no idea who she was. Ellis raised her face to meet his gaze delicately, "She will remember you, I promise you that." "I hope you're right, and Ellis I'm so sorry for everything." "No more saying you're sorry we're past that now, ok?" "Ok. How about a thank you then?" "For what?" "For not giving up on me, and coming back that morning." "I could never give up on you Kerry, I love you too much." "I love you too." "Somebody else loves you too you know, she just can't say it yet." "If you say so." "I know so, and don't worry about what Meg thinks, we can always get a new nanny. Mothers on the other hand aren't so easily replaced." "Thank you" Kerry answered, as a smile of true happiness escaped her lips. Unable to resist Ellis leaned in and kissed her, "You're very welcome." End Part 17
Мария: Life after Death Part 18 'A New Beginning' Ellis walked down the street with his head extra high as today was the first time he was showing off his entire family, Kerry however wasn't as excited as she felt as if everyone was staring at her. Even though it was a very warm day she had worn a sweater to hide her scars, but she still felt like they knew. "I have a confession to make." "About?" Ellis asked worry in his voice. "I only agreed to come on this walk to get away from Meg, I don't much care for her." "She's not that bad Kerry. She sort of grows on you." "She didn't grow on me before the- never mind it's just she makes me feel like I don't know what I'm doing. You saw her today; she took Catherine right out of my arms. She doesn't know her place Ellis, please fire her. Today." "Do you think you could handle everything, by yourself 'til we find someone else?" "We don't need to find someone else." "We don't?" Confusion coated Ellis's words. "I want to take care of her myself for a while, with no one helping me." "Are you sure that's what you want, what about work?" "What about it, we can do without my salary can't we?" "That's not what I meant, I just never pictured you as the stay at home type." "I know it's just I missed her start." Kerry looked pensively towards Catherine asleep in the stroller. "I don't want to miss anything else. The hospital will always be there, but Catherine's changing every day and I want to be part of it." "Alright then I let her go, as long as you're sure?" "Positive." Ellis couldn't help but notice how heavily Kerry was beginning to lean on the stroller's handle. "Are you ok?" "I'm just tired, let's go home." "Want to sit a while?" He pointed out a bench they were passing. "If I sit I'll never get up, lets just go home." Kerry's exhaustion concerned Ellis. "Are you sure you don't want to keep Meg on, just till you're feeling better?" "Ellis." The look on her face was all the answer he needed. "Ok, I'll fire her tonight." "I can handle this, stop worrying." "How did she take it?" Kerry asked, as Ellis climbed into bed next to her. "She was upset, but she'll get over it." "You told her not to come tomorrow right?" "You're on your own from now on." "Good." Leaning over she kissed him. "Goodnight." "Goodnight." Ellis reached to turn out the light. "Are you sure you don't want help for just a little while?" "Goodnight Ellis." Ellis had to smile, as Kerry seemed more and more like herself. Ellis awoke to the sound of the baby crying, looking over to Kerry he saw she was still sleeping. Knowing the long walk had probably worn her out, as she still wasn't physically her best, he got up. He paused at the nursery door; "I'll be right there Catherine." He told her before heading to the bathroom. Kerry awoke a moment later hearing the baby cry she went to the nursery she was so tired she hadn't noticed Ellis wasn't in bed. Picking up the baby she tried to console her. Ellis returned from the bathroom and was about to enter the nursery when he saw Kerry already there, sitting in the rocking chair singing softly to their daughter. He watched quietly from the doorway, he didn't want to interrupt the bonding, but couldn't bring himself to leave the whole scene warmed his heart. "From your head down to your toes, you're not much goodness knows. But you're so special to me, sweet as can be, baby of mine." It wasn't long before Catherine's eyelids grew heavy. Kerry smiled at her as she stroked the soft skin of the baby's face with her hand. Ellis was overcome with emotion as he watched, he hadn't been this happy in a long time, he was wiping away the tears happiness had brought when Kerry caught him standing there. Looking up at him she smiled, a smile he gladly returned, knowing he had his wife back and they could now be a family. THE END
Мария: Уфффф... с трудом, но я это все-таки выложила!!! Сама в шоке! Может быть, чем черт не шутит, удастся этот текст перевести и выложить на сайт? Мне кажется, он этого вполне достоин... вернее, достойны и сайт, и текст И интересно, что вы думаете об этом фанфике... ну, если прочитаете, конечно Я не навязываю и не настаиваю))
Foks: Транслит конечно ужасен
Foks: В общем по английски я не понимаю так хорошо, а транслит читать...постараюсь уж
Мария: Foks пишет: Транслит конечно ужасен Не то слово Полная , хотя без него никуды
Olenka: Не знаю, чем я читаю(видно не тем, чем надо), но я ни слова не заметила о потрясающем фанфике Элен "Любовь и ошибки"... Элен, это ПОТРЯСАЮЩЕ!!!!! Ах, как хочется дальше-то почитать...
Мария: Olenka , я так рада, что тебе понравилось потому что фанфик на самом деле - ПРОСТО ВОСТОРГ Olenka пишет: Ах, как хочется дальше-то почитать... 3 глава уже выложена , автор обещает, что будет четвертая!!! Жду не дождусь!!! Оленьке Прости, что пока не ответила! С этим потопом и кучей работы... но до отъезда обязательно напишу! И я прочитала твои путевые заметки........... это ФАНТАСТИКА, Оль! Тебе надо издаваться
ИрМа: Foks пишет: Транслит конечно ужасен Это ещё слабо сказано Я впервые имела удовольствие читать что-то в таком виде и....не смогла)))) ни хрена не понимаю Может, как говорится, трудно первые десять лет, а потом привыкаешь))))))
Sets: Здравствуйте!) Я на этом форуме первый раз, поэтому хотела бы уточнить такой момент... я сейчас пишу фик, который грозит перерасти по размеру, скорее всего, в миди. Поскольку сам процесс написания достаточно затяжной, то хочу узнать, можно ли оформить его выкладку на форуме отдельной темой. Спасибо)
Мария: Sets Здравствуйте! И добро пожаловать)) Конечно, можно выкладывать фанф на форуме! Создайте тему... например, фик от Sets такой-то (или как угодно, по-другому). А мы будем счастливы прочитать Ваше произведение
Мария: ИрМа пишет: Может, как говорится, трудно первые десять лет, а потом привыкаешь)))))) Вот и ни фига подобного Транслит - это такая , что стоит хоть немножко к нему привыкнуть (ну хотя бы к тому, что Извозчик - это Картера, а девушка по имени Марка - доктор Грин), как всего недельку почитав НОРМАЛЬНЫЕ тексты, тут же теряешь возможность понимать транслит. У меня так было и есть. Настолько меня избаловали хорошие переводы, что транслит читать я разучилась. Разве что - пару абзацев... Кстати, а Иннес в переводе транслита - это Гостиницы
Sets: Мария Мария пишет: Создайте тему... Замечательно. Буду тогда выкладывать небольшими эпизодами, первая партия уже отправилась на обработку к бете. Как только она мне первый эпизод вернет, выложу на форум. Надеюсь, вы не будете разочарованы)
Foks: Мария пишет: Кстати, а Иннес в переводе транслита - это Гостиницы Все, я ржу
Дик: Sets Просматриваю Ваш ресурс. Очень профессионально. Все мы в свое время не случайно заглядывали на этот сайт, впрочем, и оставались тоже...Но что общего между Гарри Поттером и Керри Уивер?
Дик: Мария пишет: Кстати, а Иннес в переводе транслита - это Гостиницы Хозяйка Гостиницы, она же хозяйка домашнего очага, вот значит откуда взялся Ваш титул
Sets: Дик Доброго времени суток. Дик пишет: Но что общего между Гарри Поттером и Керри Уивер? А почему у них должно быть что-то общее? Два разных фандома в два разных периода жизни.
Olenka: Мария уж полночьвечер близится, а Германа письма все нет... Маш, ну ты поняла о чем я))) Надеюсь основные последствия потопа вы ликвидировали?
Дик: Sets пишет: А почему у них должно быть что-то общее? Два разных фандома в два разных периода жизни. Понимаю. Большинство тектсов на этом сайте посвящено переходу от одного периода жизни к другому, о рубеже. Меня интересуют причины... Кстати о причинах. Керри и Сьюзен довольно своеобразная пара никогда не существовавшая в действительности и, если честно, не очень популярная. Если бы не Оленька и мое упрямство, вряд ли бы кто то прочитал о них на страницах этого сайта и... врядли бы кто то пожалел об этом упущении в собственном образовании . А почему Вы остановили свой выбор на этих героях?
Sets: Дик пишет: Керри и Сьюзен довольно своеобразная пара никогда не существовавшая в действительности О! С этим вообще довольно интересная история. Дело было пару-тройку лет назад, я тогда слыхом не слыхивала о седьмом сезоне, но уже была покорена героиней Лоры. И тут как раз ER начали повторять. Первый сезон я благополучно пропустила, начала со второго смотреть. И на моменте, когда Керри что-то говорит Сьюзан, поворачивается и уходит, а та смотрит ей вслед, меня клинануло. Причем, очень сильно. Долго руки чесались написать о них фем, но не сложилось. Когда узнала, что практически попала пальцем в небо, очень удивилась. А тут... стала пересматривать, читать фики на сайте... Ну и опять накрыло)) С моей точки зрения, Сьюзан - самая естественная пара для Керри. Они прекрасно дополняют друг друга, и при этом между ними всегда чувствуется напряжение. Лучший выход которому - в страсти. Дик пишет: Меня интересуют причины... Особых причин тут нет. Мне нравится писать о персонажах, которые меня волнуют. ГП начинался со Снейпа/Рикмана, продолжился Джинни, дошел апогея с Мэгги Смит и закончился Беллой. Впрочем, на Астробашне я до сих пор сижу, читая симпатичные мне снарри, а Мэгги Смит не оставляет равнодушной ни в одном из образов, как, впрочем, и Рикман. В других фандомах персонажи не вызывали желания о них писать, а вот Керри... о ней хочется писать. И много Упс По-моему я ответила даже слишком подробно))) Не утомила своими откровениями?)))
Foks: Дик у всех по-моему спрашивает о паре Керри Съюзан :) В моем представлении они не предстают объектами страсти друг друга (если кому-то это конечно интересно :), да и вообще, если не думать о Ким, мне нравится "фанфичная" пара Керри-Картер, лаже с Дагом понравилась :)) Я смотрю сейчас все серии начиная со второго сезона, пока на четвертом, так вот, понимаю, что встреча Ким все ближе и ближе, и почему-то мне все меньше этого хочется! Керри такая КЛАССНАЯ в этих сезонах! Просто я увлеклась их парой, и Сьюзан туда приписала, но мне надо было спустить пар, что я сделала, написав о них три фанфика. Теперь я думаю если буду писать, то явно уже о какой-то другой паре:) В смысле о Керри, конечно же, но не о Ким и не о ее парах с женщинами наверно.
Sets: Foks Это у меня побочное действие влияние ГП-фандома Гет не переваривается ни в каком виде. Мне кажется, главное, что вообще хочется писать. И пишется. А что и о ком... На вкус и цвет все фломастеры разные.
Olenka: Foks пишет: В смысле о Керри, конечно же, но не о Ким и не о ее парах с женщинами наверно. Да? Правда-правда? Ну это просто праздник какой-то))) *Просто я давно уже мечтаю почитать что-то новое на русском про Керри и кого-нибудь их мужчин... *
Дик: Foks пишет: Дик у всех по-моему спрашивает о паре Керри Съюзан :) И что? Вот сторилайн Керри/Ким настоящий танк и с этим никто не спорит. Но всегда должна существовать альтернатива. И да я считаю их отношениями идеальными во первых потому что они так и не осуществились в реальности СП, а во вторых....во вторых все то, что я о них написала
Starley: Мария пишет: Транслит - это такая Иногда бывают ТАКИЕ замечательные фразы!
Starley: Дик пишет: И да я считаю их отношениями идеальными Почему?
Дик: Starley пишет: Почему? Да потому, что они были "в идеале", а не в нашей реальности Это фантазия, а в ней всегда все прекрасно. А если без смеха, то я соглашуль с Sets
Starley: Дик пишет: они были "в идеале", а не в нашей реальности все-таки "идеал"-это немного другое...
Мария: Starley пишет: все-таки "идеал"-это немного другое... Т.е.? Распиши уж нам, что же такое идеал для Лены
Starley: Мария я не имела ввиду идеал для меня....
Lubasha : Starley Идеал - ноги и руки одинаковой пропорции и длины, если утрировать. Это?
Starley: Lubasha пишет: Идеал - ноги и руки одинаковой пропорции и длины, если утрировать. Это? а кто его знает, какой он - ИДЕАЛ?
Foks: Не знаю, что там показано как идеал, но несмотря на то что это фильм и можно искать и найти кучу всего что показано не так как в реальности бывает, история Керри и Ким очень правдива, в частности за счет так ловко и тонко сыгравших чувства актрис. Поэтому мне так и нравится их история, не потому что она идеал. Скорее там до идела далеко, все заканчивается на самом деле даже в фантазии так, как в сериале, это мы хотим каких-то других продолжений. Жестоко конечно, заканчивается, просто режут по чувствам. Как тонко ухвачены моменты. Например, когда Ким говорит Керри, что они профессионалы, и Керри отвечает , хорошо, она будет вызывать Ким на любые консультации, если та этого хочет. Вы видели при этом глаза Керри, ее застенчивый счастливый взгляд, которые прорывается даже сквозь ее нежелание признаваться себе что она рада тому что Ким требует внимания? Эти моменты реально жизненные. Поэтому их история так цепляет. Даже когда знаешь что это все снято для фильма, все это очень тонко сыграно, это история постепенно зарождающейся любви, проходящей через общение, взгляды, касания. Это здорово показано. А идеала я там не вижу, идеалом можно назвать только то, что такие чувства и такое тонкое их проявление редко встречаются, по крайней мере я так чувствую вот это ощущение "идеала". Потому что их история заставляет сопереживать не так как другие. Сумбурно может, но надеюсь вы поняли о чем я.
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